40! LETS GO!!

I might be 40 but I am alive.  I am well.  I am happy.  I am ready to go.  I have sat around for 14 years being some what unhappy and a little depressed.  I have lots of reasons why but I am no longer that person and am ready to be my self again.  I love who I am but for some reason I have forgotten that.  I have forgotten who I am and that I love myself.    I was made who I am and should be proud of me!! You were made you and should be proud to be you!  Lets kill this thing called life shall we?!!


I have a lot to conquer that I have let go.  My weight is the  biggest thing.  I can tell you with 100% certainty it is a LACK of confidence that has put me in this position.  Ask any one who knew me before I got married if I lacked confidence and they would probably laugh.  For far too many years I have been someone I don’t recognize any more both physically, mentally and emotionally.   I. was. not. me.  That is all there is to it.  Did I come up with this conclusion over night?  nope.  It has taken me two years to see my folly.  So 12 years of depression and 2 years of noticing.  Now I am ready to change.

SO what is the plan?  The plan is to make a  plan knowing the plan will change.  (change is another area I am working on.  Not a big fan of change!)

I started crossfit about 2 months ago.  Life keeps wanting to push me down.  I hurt my rib 2 weeks into it.  Got back 100% and then got phenomena that has lasted a month.  I am going back Monday.  Life will continue to torture me  but I just HAVE to keep going.  I am loosing myself very fast and I know if I don’t find something to bring the true Sarah back I will live the rest of my life a very sad girl.  I want NEED change sooo bad!!!!!

I am starting a new diet called The Fast Metabolism Diet on Monday.  I have been trying to stick to a very very loose paleo diet since I started crossfit but I need a little more structure in my diet for now.  The Fast Metabolism is very close to paleo as far as eating real food and no sugar but it does do a lot of fruit.  I used to be against trying things that I couldn’t stick to the rest of my life but I figure what ever I used to believe I am going the opposite…on everything!

Notice NONE of my goals are to loose weight.  I am done with that goal.  I know that my body works as a whole (something I am just now realizing) and if I can get to a mental place of happiness I think I will be able to shed some pounds.   If you live in regret, sadness, depression it is going to be hard to loose weight because you are a whole.  You are not a bunch of separate pieces.  So if you want to loose weight you need to let go of all the crap that is weighing you down emotionally and mentally.  I do not have proof of this yet but I believe it and hope to proof it soon enough.

I want to  feel good from the inside out both physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I have to get the insides working right so my outsides can work right.  I want to look at food as a tool to get to my goals.  


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