I might be 40 but I am alive. I am well. I am happy. I am ready to go. I have sat around for 14 years being some what unhappy and a little depressed. I have lots of reasons why but I am no longer that person and am ready to be my self again. I love who I am but for some reason I have forgotten that. I have forgotten who I am and that I love myself. I was made who I am and should be proud of me!! You were made you and should be proud to be you! Lets kill this thing called life shall we?!!
I have a lot to conquer that I have let go. My weight is the biggest thing. I can tell you with 100% certainty it is a LACK of confidence that has put me in this position. Ask any one who knew me before I got married if I lacked confidence and they would probably laugh. For far too many years I have been someone I don’t recognize any more both physically, mentally and emotionally. I. was. not. me. That is all there is to it. Did I come up with this conclusion over night? nope. It has taken me two years to see my folly. So 12 years of depression and 2 years of noticing. Now I am ready to change.
SO what is the plan? The plan is to make a plan knowing the plan will change. (change is another area I am working on. Not a big fan of change!)
I started crossfit about 2 months ago. Life keeps wanting to push me down. I hurt my rib 2 weeks into it. Got back 100% and then got phenomena that has lasted a month. I am going back Monday. Life will continue to torture me but I just HAVE to keep going. I am loosing myself very fast and I know if I don’t find something to bring the true Sarah back I will live the rest of my life a very sad girl. I
want NEED change sooo bad!!!!!
I am starting a new diet called The Fast Metabolism Diet on Monday. I have been trying to stick to a very very loose paleo diet since I started crossfit but I need a little more structure in my diet for now. The Fast Metabolism is very close to paleo as far as eating real food and no sugar but it does do a lot of fruit. I used to be against trying things that I couldn’t stick to the rest of my life but I figure what ever I used to believe I am going the opposite…on everything!
Notice NONE of my goals are to loose weight. I am done with that goal. I know that my body works as a whole (something I am just now realizing) and if I can get to a mental place of happiness I think I will be able to shed some pounds. If you live in regret, sadness, depression it is going to be hard to loose weight because you are a whole. You are not a bunch of separate pieces. So if you want to loose weight you need to let go of all the crap that is weighing you down emotionally and mentally. I do not have proof of this yet but I believe it and hope to proof it soon enough.
I want to feel good from the inside out both physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have to get the insides working right so my outsides can work right. I want to look at food as a tool to get to my goals.